You’re doing great! No matter where you’re jumping in on this Soul Tending Challenge, please know that you’re welcome and success is yours.
And if you’re doing the work but not posting, all of your work still counts; more than counts. Because it’s about you and what you need to be doing to grow.
Along the way, I’m hearing from many of you privately. You’re wanting to reassure me that you’re doing the work or expressing your apologies for doing it differently or on the same day. You’re telling me that you value the opportunity but you are conflicted in some way.
Conflicted about posting publicly, the prompts, the schedule or something else.
And that’s okay friend. Truly. There have been days and prompts that have pushed me and made me consider quitting. But I recall my “why” and my desired outcome and I am able to keep going. I hope you’ll do the same.
Up this week…
17 | SNUGGLE A PET/STUFFED ANIMAL
If this sounds miserable to you, set a timer for 20 minutes and then you’re done!
18 | SMILE, SMILE, SMILE
1 post, 3 different photos of the same smile or three smiles of those you love.
My only encouragement is that you avoid using filters to alter your smile in any way, just be you.
Please share what made you smile – I hope you’ll be surprised.
19 | FORGIVE YOURSELF
This is important work in our souls.
Not designed to take you to a dark place but if you sit and consider a lingering thought, hurt or unresolved matter and how you contributed to it – you may unearth the need to forgive yourself.
The best photo I can think of for this is for you to share a selfie without fixing up yourself for the shot.
In forgiveness there is freedom. Show us you.
20 | BE STILL + SILENT FOR AN HOUR
It’s not impossible.
To be quiet for an hour. I’m probably gonna read or maybe take a nap, schedule-permitting, but this is for you to put your electronics away and just daydream. Let your mind wander.
21 | FIND YOUR SOUL CARE SPOT
A place where you can go and just repeat what you did yesterday.
Kuddos to you.
Even if you don’t get to spend much time there, add a candle or a favorite photo and tell your people “mine!”
22 | WRITE A NOTE OR SHARE A KIND WORD WITH A STRANGER
You know how sometimes you leave the grocery check-out line and you knew you were to say something kind and encouraging to that person but you chickened out for whatever reason?
It’s okay when things get hard. Or when something may be easy but you mess it up with pride, anger or acting out of unresolved hurt.
Or is it?
This past week, in my soul tending work – on my journey – I’ve been focused a lot on healing some deep brokenness. It wasn’t what I set out to do but when I sat quietly and watched the clouds or when doodling quietly, I had to dig into the things that were bubbling to the surface.
And because I’d been burying them for so long or calling them less harmful things than they actually are, they came out ugly. It cost me somethings of value that I’m still regurgitating and attempting to leave in God’s ever-capable hands.
THE WOUND + THE LIES
A lot of prayer and Bible reading – and a lot of unexpected encouragements – have helped me begin to see my why; really my wounds. And of course, like most of us, the reaction wasn’t really the entire story.
See, I’ve been through a lot over the past 35 years. And because wearing a mask and elevating what other people have felt or diminishing what I feel, think or have experienced is less than everyone else’s fill-in-the-blank, I have dug some deep roots around the lie that I’m not valued or good enough.
Since the first year I opened my black mouth to answer the teacher’s question (I so loved school – my top strength is LEARNER) in a room filled with white voices and registered their responses; not necessarily unkind, but definitely different. I began then to see different as “not good”, truly “less valuable”.
I began to wear “less” or “weird” or “not measuring up” as if they were my other names. My grades weren’t great because I spent more of my time trying to assimilate, adjust + fit in than pouring into the topics presented. And because I was working overtime at deciphering the hidden language or code that is often spoken in classrooms, organizations and government, I did not have the energy or strength to speak up when the material/content ripped open holes in my understanding of who I was in that version or perspective of education.
Now, you could say to a 10, 11 or 12yo that their identity should come from Christ. And that I shouldn’t have taken things so seriously or been so sensitive to the way that things were presented; I am after all a child of God. And it’s true. My family was living in church each week for h-o-u-r-s (that felt like days) every Sunday. (I ain’t sorry for saying it Mama, you know it’s true.)
It wasn’t so much that what was coming in was so lopsided or narrow in its focus, it was how this highly sensitive, deep thinking – even from the first grade – black girl in an all white world – except for black church every Sunday – was doing with it.
And it felt wrong. I felt wrong.
WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU
Recently, some friends and I were discussing Serena Williams’ responses to her penalties at the U.S. Open. We are a smart group of women (librarians, sailors, chefs, hospital administrators, lawyers, educators) and all have opinions. I had extra.
As I was rambling my frustrations and couldn’t land the plane on my edginess in a direct flight (sorry ladies, I know it was more like a long domestic flight with 14 layovers) one of the women suggested how I and everyone speaking about Williams’ behavior from hindsight and – quite honestly from the outside – might need to consider “what happened to her”.
That maybe we would have more understanding and less judgment if we considered what she’s gone through to be at her level of professional tennis when the sport hasn’t always been the kindest to female players. In a country where there is so much animosity and tension about race, sex, class and equality.
It convicted my soul.
It dug into my wound.
Because y’all, I want people to like me.
Especially the people who look through me and don’t take the time to see me or know me. I hate admitting this, but it is my kryptonite. (Being vulnerable here, stay with me.) I feel so boxed in when someone rates and judges my reaction to WHAT HAS ACTUALLY HAPPENED TO ME but I perceive that, to them, it is not or does not seem relevant. There is no room in the conversation to ask (what happened to you gurl?) or if the question is asked, there is little patience or willingness to hear or understand. Probably NEVER intended, I hear what I learned and carried all those years ago as a 5th grader in that classroom – it doesn’t matter. You, Regina do not matter.
Rather, it becomes about bringing back control with the rules or the standard or the expectation. And in my foolishness, which I hate to admit, became about pushing ambition and drive to the top to prove the unknowing (in most cases unknowing- I hope) wrong.
Which you probably know only infected the wound more deeply.
HEALING THE WOUND + KILLING THE LIE
Here’s the thing.
Once it registers within me that you’d rather be right in your perception of me than actually know or hear me, I begin to swallow the hurt and push away from you.
I may get really quiet but bristle with anger and frustration deep within. In my silence, I rot. I believe that sharing my opinion will make the distance I’m already feeling and stepping into uncomfortable for you and that that is my fault.
Grateful for wise counsel from a woman further along the road in these things than me, I was challenged to start the healing process once and for all. Here’s what she shared with me.
CLEAN the wound.
COVER the wound.
EXPOSE the wound.
Simple right? I love me some checklists…
I curled up in my quiet soul tending space and got my candles lit, journal and pen ready and was ready to tackle step one until I realized, Regina…
Before you do step 1, you need to spend some time identifying the wound.
So, I did. And eewwww…
I had to dedicate an entire page in my journal to writing out the wound. It was the stuff I mentioned before and even more puss-filled, icky stuff that makes the infection in the wound really stink.
I came to the realization that it was not really the things I’d been outwardly professing that were hurting me (people, missed opportunities, injustice), it was the stuff that I’d internalized and buried deep within myself.
Yes, people said things that hurt. They judged. They ignored. They de-valued. They were rude, dismissive, racist, prejudiced, complicit, unkind. They laid curses over me and used scripture to condemn me. They boxed me in to grieving the way they thought I should and left when I didn’t consider their feelings first. They talked about me behind my back and they criticized my decision to leave. All of it and more.
But, the biggest culprit was me. I’d done all of the same things to others in response to what had been done to me. And instead of starving the poison in my wounds, I nursed the junk and let it spread. I was infected and rather than identifying the wound, then cleaning, covering and exposing it in safe environments, I kept nursing my hurt with more hurt and believing the implications, the judgments and curses. I kept growing them and letting them shape me and let it overtake what God says about who I am to Him.
Yesterday, I started this soul work by identifying my wound.
And now, I’m developing the other steps. I’m taking my time; I’ve been keeping my wound infected for 35 years, it’s gonna take a little time for this heal. God is working on me, I am so thankful for His patience, grace + mercy.
So thankful that when I cut a fool:
An angry man stirs up dissension, and a hot-tempered one commits many sins. Proverbs 29:22
He is big enough and not bowled over by it and makes room for my heart:
All prophets testify about him that everyone who believes in him receives forgiveness of sins through his name. Acts 10:43
I’m not even responsible for cleaning up my mess/cleaning out my wound. In this process, my responsibility in step one is confession + surrender, so that He can do what only He could do. Right?
Like, if I could have cleaned out the wound(s) deep within my soul, wouldn’t I have already done it? Or never let them become wounds in the first place? Oh to have such self-control and live so perfectly all the time in response to everything us hurting people (and everyone is hurting with something at some time) are walking through.
Today, I’m in the tension between where I’ve been living (uptight, angry, stressed and just deeply wounded) and where God is taking me (peaceful, mature, dependent and healed). I wish it were prettier. this process. I wish that the people I’ve hurt and who have hurt me would be so able to see and understand and love me anyway. I so want this. I want us all to be cleansed by the perfect love of Jesus.
This is the reason for the soul tending work I’m doing.
I’m not Jesus. (Stop laughing, I never thought you were confused. Ha!)
I certainly don’t act like Him and reflect His light as brightly and consistently as I’d like or others may, but I know Him. And I can introduce you to Him. I can tell you that even though I did some pretty hurtful things this week, He stayed by my side tending to my soul. He still let me eat (I used to lose my appetite when in conflict). He still gave me rest (I’ve slept every night and rested). He still let me laugh (I would choose depression because I believed I deserved to be sad – face must reflect wounding). He still let me receive love (oh this one).
It’s not about your wound friend.
It’s not about your grief, your mistake, your self-talk, your anything. It’s about the healing He wants to do in you, through you, for His glory. I hope you’ll make some time on Day 15: Social Media Free Day or any day to sit quietly and call out what your wound is so that the healing can begin. I’m cheering + praying for you.
While many (or most) are not posting publicly on a regular basis, I believe you’re doing the work on whichever day(s) you can and as you’re able. You should be so proud of yourselves.
If you weren’t doing any of the prompts on this list before this challenge began in September and you’re trying these new things then you’re already winning. You’re experiencing success! Claim it friend.
If you’re new to this space and you’re wondering what this is all about, jump over here to read about the soul care challenge before scrolling down to check out a couple of my favorites of YOUR posts in response to the each of the week 1 prompts.
It’s already been so fun, I’m really excited to see what you all come up with next week (the prompts for week two are at the bottom of this post) as you continue to intentionally + actively tend to your soul.
WEEK ONE HIGHLIGHTS
day 01 | go for a walk
day 02 | read a magazine
day 03 | sip your favorite drink slowly
day 04 | take a bath
day 05 | be a tourist in your city
day 06 | eat a meal outside
day 07 | engage with art
day 08 | dance in your kitchen
Now on to this coming week’s prompts. Maybe you’re returning and missed a few maybe you’re getting started…
No matter, I’m glad you’re here.
Here are a couple of things I’d like you to keep in mind and the prompts for the second week.
1 | THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE FUN!
If you’re setting high expectations for yourself or focusing on “winning” at this, please let that go.
While you’re encouraged to stretch yourself and make margin in new areas of soul tending, the ultimate goal is to remove stress, stuck + overwhelm. Lean into the prompts that excite you and make you smile and put them on your calendar.
Invite your family, friends, neighbors and even co-workers to join you. In this case, the more people you know that are doing this the easier it’ll be – and the more fun too!
Don’t forget to snap a quick photo and when you’re on social media sometime that day (example: on the 9th of September, post your photo of the clouds).
2 | LOOK BEYOND THE MONTH, THINK LIFESTYLE!
Each day you’re able to participate, take a few extra moments to consider if that day’s prompt is something you’d like to revisit, restructure and add to your lifestyle.
Take a moment to journal and/or reflect each day. Ask yourself what you enjoyed or did not like about the activity and star the ones you’d like to repeat before the end of the year.
Think of this as a jumping off point to deeper work in your soul, for your benefit and the benefit of those you love.
WEEK 2 PROMPTS
10 | PLAY WITH A 2-YEAR-OLD
Don’t get legalistic or be too strict with this one. The idea is to spend time with a human much younger than you – a child way outside of your season in life. One of those people who relies on other humans for almost everything they need.
And to do it distraction-free. Put your phone away and get down to their level and simply observe them. Listen to them, ask them questions. Don’t teach or correct, just see them and their little big soul.
11 | DRAW, DOODLE OR COLOR
Just how it sounds.
Do this and let yourself push beyond the lines – if there are lines.
And please, please, please post your photos. I’m excited to see what comes out of your soul.
12 | BAKE
Plan ahead for this one now. Go pull out that family favorite or hop on over to Pinterest to pick something you’ve pinned and have been wanting to try.
If you’re watching those lbs. be sure to consider baking something with the intent to give the bulk of it away.
13 | GO TO BED BEFORE (OR BY) 9P
You can do this y’all!
Our sleep is so quickly sacrificed in favor of so many other things and it ain’t good. This is a habit I’m becoming more diligent about and in a very short time, I’m reaping great benefits.
You don’t have to be asleep but try to be face-ready, hair-wrapped, pajama-dorned and in bed by 9:00p. If you’re married, encourage your spouse to join you; if you have roomies, challenge them to do the same.
You’re gonna love this one.
14 | CREATE A SOUL CARE PLAYLIST
After my son whipped up a playlist on Spotify – that we still listen to and enjoy today – I finally committed to a subscription and have not batted an eye.
Whatever way you put together a dozen songs to prepare you for whatever it is that you use music to set you up for, do the same for your soul.
If you’re on Spotfiy, please come and find me and be my friend and then also share your soul care playlist with me. I’ve made my list “collaborative” which means we can truly share!
15 | HAVE A “SOCIAL MEDIA FREE” DAY
This may seem ironic, but it’s intended to be.
Although we’re in this soul tending thing together – yes! – it’s okay to take a break every now and again.
I encourage you to this without telling anyone you’re doing so. Just take the day off. No Insta, no Facebook, Snapchat, Twitter or whatever else it is you use to consume stuff about other people and how they’re living.
This is easier for me now than it ever used to be. Mostly because I know why I’m using Instagram (and even have timers on my phone to know when it’s time to check-in – which hopefully explains my delays sometimes) it’s not as big of a deal to take a time off and I encourage you to really consider how it feels and how you can slide this into your regular routine.
16 | GET A MASSAGE
Whatever your budget permits – we’re doing the Dave Ramsey thing y’all! – make it work.
This might mean orchestrating one of those group circles with your co-workers where everyone rubs the shoulders of the person in front of them.
Ewww, no. Don’t do that.
But, if it’s rubbing your own feet or your hands together while breathing deeply – make.it.work.for.you.
If you’ve been at this since day 1 and finding yourself wavering or unsure, maybe you’re talking poorly to yourself about your progress using words like “late, behind, mistake” then go back to this post and this one. Doing the steps there will help you be more successful in the soul tending process and more graceful with yourself when things don’t go as planned.
Be very careful how you speak to yourself while doing this, you may be sabotaging yourself.
Also, remember that this challenge is for you. For your soul. Share what you want, keep the rest to yourself and please know I’m praying for you Soul Tender. Have fun out there!