Simply Sather

MOVIE MARATHON + ICE CREAM SUNDAE

I’m one of the millions of people around the world who can not log into, post or share on their Instagram and Facebook pages right now. According to the usage tracker on my phone, one might say I’ve made my way on the “naughty” overuser list and this mandatory break is a gift.

Without meaning to, I slip my phone up and into my hand and begin scrolling out the people around me; allowing myself to move moments and people down the “gets the most attention” list. I don’t ever think this is what I’m going to do, but it seems my time gets snatched up with obligations and things I must do and then when I have a moment to respond to that text, respond to that person’s post or even check to see how many people responded to my blog post that I just posted four seconds beforehand, it bleeds over into quality time with my person.

I’m not giving up on myself in this area yet. I’ve already begun to improve but would like to get even better at detaching from the digital and connecting to the person/people before me.

Which is why I so appreciate intentional times on the calendar to date my spouse.

Mister’s phone isn’t as “smart” as mine which also means he isn’t as attached to his device (nor is his bill as high). It benefits us. It helps us meet in the middle and forge new ground. And this is also is why I make sure I no longer post about our dates while they’re happening.

I snap a shot and turn my attention quickly back to the moment I’m blessed to be experiencing and make time to write and share about it here, much later. Which is what I’m doing right now about our most recent “date your spouse” date!

Date #06: Watch a Movie Marathon and eat a huge ice cream sundae

It was my turn to plan. And if you’ve been around here for the “Date Your Spouse” segments, then you know the person who picks the date, plans the date.

One of the things I try to do when planning the date is to really think about my husband’s preferences and gear the date more toward him. Since he’s not in control, I want to choose things that I think he’ll enjoy and appreciate; things that will let him know I was thinking of and making attempts to prefer him.

Ice Cream Sundae
a recipe from “A Cozy Year” | february – everything but the meringue

My husband’s sweet tooth makes it almost impossible to disappoint him in the area of desserts. On our weekly run to Target, we threw caution to the wind and chose the kind of gelato we liked (Sea Salt Caramel + Coffee). I got the ingredients to make homemade whipped cream from Joanna Gaines’ Cookbook, “The Magnolia Table” and made the brownie from scratch while halfway through our first of two movies.

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we did not eat it all in one sitting

Mister really likes Matthew McConaughey and his movies.

I wanted to be sure he got to watch one of those,  so I went through our Amazon Prime account before we sat down and let him choose one of the few that popped up. So, Mud, it was. And that’s all I’m going to say about that.

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a scene from the 2012 movie, Mud

Well, I will say one more thing.

We did not finish the movie or the sundae that night. We saved both and enjoyed them over the weekend.

We had a date! And it was memorable and we learned about one another. I learned that my husband considered that sundae one of the best desserts he’s ever had (he’s 54yo y’all!) and I think he learned and is now certain of my preference for dates at home.

I’m already looking forward to our next date this coming weekend (#60) where we’ll be staying home again and talking about our future. Good things come when couples set aside time together to dream and cast vision in their marriage.

What about you?

You may not be in the same season as us or choose the same things on a date like this, but what from here can you take and make work for you and your person – even if right now, that person is just you?

 

 

Simply Sather

DISAPPOINTMENT AT THE DENTIST

I am almost 98% certain that the reason I am pouty and saddened while typing this is not that I got disappointing news at the dentist, but because of my menopausal mood swings.

Yep! That’s right. I’m in menopause. At 46yo.

Which is just shocking.

Almost more shocking than having a 19yo son who is living out from under my daily care, driving, functioning, working, getting an education and just being a responsible person. Like for real. It happened so fast.

But, the shock I’m experiencing is because I was sure there was more time between empty nesting and menopausing; like years.

So, I’m here. And still shocked, but learning so much about my new normal.

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embracing this 46yo face

For example, bone density is important so I need to increase my calcium intake. (An aside, I asked my doctor if Vitamin C and calcium were the same things. She said no. Which was a sad thing because I’m already taking sugar Vitamin C every single day and wanted to be able to cross something menopause-y off of my list.) I need to exercise more – which let me just tell you, I absolutely not so inwardly rolled my eyes as this one because I am just learning how to drink the right amount of water every day. It’s like my doctor is trying to stress me out or something. It will also be important for me to find a way to get estrogen in my body because well, there are many reasons, but the ones I can share here are to help with mood swings and hot flashes.

Y’all. I am having hot flashes.

Lots of them. And the jokes about “personal summers” and being my own walking furnace – they are not funny anymore. They are what’s called real life. It’s so real, that if one more person complains about having to “adult” they may get touched by a little bit of heat.

I kid. Kinda…

Seriously, I’m contemplating how impressed I am by all of the wonderful women I’ve come to interact with, look up to and learn from over the years who were quietly charging the mountains, overcoming the obstacles and doing amazing work while having to learn how to dress, deodorize and keep it together all at the same time, every single day.  Thank you mom. I’m proud of how you’ve managed this and stayed out of jail. Truly.

Back to my dentist appointment this morning…

Mister reassured me that everything would be alright. That we will take the steps to get my mouth in its proper working condition and in good health – for a 46yo woman in menopause – and that it will be okay. And I trust that he will help me walk through it all.

The crying is likely 2/3 mood swings and 1/3 disappointment.

I’m not “old” by any stretch of the imagination. In fact, in areas where I’ve previously been ill and unhealthy, I’m in the best health that I’ve experienced as an adult. My eyes require corrective lenses and my facial hair needs attention (just keepin’ it real friends). And even though I know that so much of this comes with aging, the news about my teeth – things that happen with age and bone-related issues related to age- it has still been somewhat of a shock.  I went to the dentist thinking that I would be able to get my teeth cleaned, get some quick x-rays and then jump on over to the orthodontist for an Invisalign consultation.

None of that happened at the dentist today. And I was disappointed.

It’s come so quickly. I’ve lived so much of my life subjugating myself to people who were in positions of authority, but who did not consider me as a person. I’ve lived a life trying to climb and be successful in an education career, allowing myself to be taken advantage of. I’ve lived a life trying to earn what was already mine, subjecting me to emotional abuse and making me prone to insecurity, depression and suicidal thoughts.

I guess the tears of disappointment come from realizing that in my past, I’ve spent time worrying about the wrong things. Concerned for things that no longer matter – things that probably never really mattered at all. I allowed them to take up time and space in my heart, to change how I thought about myself and showed up in a room.

I was wasteful.

It’s clear to me, that things like a dentist appointment could help me see this for myself. To see that while I am better about tending to my soul, and better at taking care of myself and time to myself, that I still have some growing to do. And that the season of menopause – with symptoms – is an opportunity for me to do that.

Oh! I should mention that the last time I saw the dentist was September of 2015. Yep, you read that right. Do with it what you want, but I am going with the “menopause fog” my doctor mentioned to me on Tuesday. So.there’s.that.

Anyway…

It doesn’t look my teeth in their current state are going to kill me, but that they do need to become more of a priority than what they’ve been. So while I’m not excited about the mouth pain that is sure to come, I’m grateful for what I’ve learned and the permission I’ve learned to give myself to take care of me.

And because of that, I’m clinging to hope that everything will be okay, even if it’s a bumpy road to get there.

 

Simply Sather

BEAUTY AS A MOVEMENT

I am officially a Beauty Counter Consultant!

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I went LIVE about better beauty + becoming a consultant (lip color: “Girls Night”)

After our soul care retreat, last May (read about it here) building residual income was something I could not stop talking about. My hubby listened to me question the thought of returning to direct sales, doubt myself and pull up every last shameful perceived failure from my previous attempts at this. He also leaned in to hear me talk about what I hoped and dreamed might come from pursuing a new opportunity in the field.

I was focused on one particular skin care company but could not get past the lack of clarity about healthy, toxin-free (or fewer toxins) products and the lack of products and marketing geared toward black and brown-skinned women.

After digging into that first opportunity and realizing that it wasn’t for me, I hunted on Instagram (my favorite shopping/pre-purchasing platform) for another option. Not to distribute, but to use. I was simply looking for myself.

Within a few weeks, I’d learned about Beauty Counter and found a black woman in the business and started following her on Instagram. I began commenting on her posts, answering questions and responding to the polls she shared. A few weeks after that we met for coffee and just talked.

She shared about the products and the business opportunity. She barely got done telling me about it before I shared all of my “nos”.

Every single one of my objections was tied to insecurity, doubt, and fear.

Every. Single. One.

All of my fears have not completely subsided and I’ll share them as I continue to take steps into the business opportunity and share it with all of you. That is my promise. To share before I’m completely polished or feel I know everything about the entire organization and its hundreds of safer products. If you watched my most recent LIVE video sharing my news then you know this is true. (I’m so very sorry Bath & Body Works, I didn’t mean to throw shade…)

Yesterday, March 4th, marked the 6-year anniversary of Beauty Counter’s start!

Not only are you able to get safer skincare + beauty cosmetics, but you’re also able to join a movement that is calling for safer products for everyone. The owner, Gregg Renfrow, is sold out on introducing every person to a quality product but also leading the industry in changes so that every person can have access to the healthiest, safest options.

Here are TWO ways you can move the mission forward:

1.Advocate for more health-protective laws by texting “betterbeauty” to 52886 ( 70734 in Canada). You will be prompted via a link to send a pre-drafted email to your state representatives asking them to support the Personal Care Products Safety Act. It takes all of a minute to do this! My team is working hard to get 10,000 people to text, please help us achieve that! #10000voicesforchange

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2. Join the movement. From now until March 7th, enrollment is only $49 ($20 for members) with the purchase of a Starter Set. The enrollment kit includes an Overnight Resurfacing Peel, Intense Lipstick in 9to5, a Beautycounter tote and pouch along with some marketing material. You can learn more here. Come alongside me as I build a team of GAL pals (consultants who want to GROW, ADVOCATE + LOVE) and do this work with me.

As I share about my journey on the path to safer, better beauty, I hope you’ll join me.